Being a Victim Is Not Comfortable Gabby

BET’s Being Mary Jane star Gabrielle Union recently appeared on ABC’s The View, where she discussed being attacked and raped at the tender age of 19. While sharing her experience, she shared some curious views on those who identify as “victims.”

“I got sick of people letting me off the hook because being a victim is so comfortable. People give you attention, people are nurturing, they’re basically the way you’ve always wanted them to be your whole life without something bad happening. So, when something catastrophic happens in your life, everyone rallies around you. You’re getting all the attention, love and support that you’ve always wanted,but it’s not for something positive. And I hated that. I hated feeling like a victim. I hated the cloak of victimhood,” she shared.

“I realized that they were going to allow me to be a victim and not succeed and not achieve any of my goals and not step outside the box. It makes you lazy. I wanted that cloak of victimhood off. I want to embrace being a survivor because that’s who I am. I wasn’t raised to be coddled. I was raised to be an independent woman, standing on my own two feet and that’s the road I opted to take.”

First and foremost, I’d like to say that Gabrielle Union’s story and experience is hers and hers alone. But while we all have every right to own our truth, as a victim of rape, I was highly offended when Union suggested that there is anything “comfortable” or “lazy” about that. I was raped at the age of 15 and some 13 years later, it still affects my everyday life.

I do not find comfort in having anxiety attacks while I’m trying to work or because a man on the street has stared at me for way too long.

I do not find comfort in having to rush while using the restroom, out of fear that someone is going to “accidentally” come in behind me.

I do not find comfort in walking home with one hand on my pepper spray and the other on my knife, you know because “just in case”.

I seriously wonder what is that “comfort” that Union was referring to.

She also mentioned this idea of people giving victims attention, support and nurturing following their assault. That's not the most common experience, especially considering that most rapes go unreported. I would never want to speak for all victims, but I think it’s safe to say that most people who do not speak out chose so for fear of being ridiculed, not being believed and not garnering support. Personally, I did not want to speak out initially because I feared judgment and, when I did decide to speak out, I was demonized and ridiculed. I even was told that some of my family members were embarrassed. I’m not saying that I haven’t had people reach out to me and show support, but that was easily overshadowed by those who didn't.

So, no, I don’t wear being a “victim” as some sort of badge of honor.

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